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“A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.”
-Anonymous
Are you happy yet?
What makes you happy? How happy are you? Despite all of the things we have at our disposal these days, too many of us feel that happiness remains just out of our reach. I have found in my psychotherapy practice that many people describe themselves as ‘not happy’. They may have experienced some incident in their early years which has caused low self-esteem or simply feel disappointed that their life is full but not satisfying.
There has been a lot of research about the science of happiness over the past several years. There are books out there that can help you define happiness, how to measure it, and how to increase it. What makes a person happy? There is no one answer. For each one of us, the answer will vary depending on the day, time and place. We may think that a favorite treat will make us happy (or at least less unhappy) such as Godiva dark chocolate or a new pair of shoes. While the specific item may put a smile on our lips at the moment, that does not equal ‘happiness’.
Dr. Martin Seligman, a noted psychologist, has spent many years conducting research on happiness. His results indicate that happiness is an important component in our lives, especially with regard to our general health and possibly our lifespan. As you may expect, negative emotions like anger and hostility produce high levels of stress-related chemicals which are hard on our bodies. Feelings of happiness produce the opposite which is very good for us. His research shows us that we can build more happiness into our lives. However, it is not about simply getting more of what we think we want that makes a difference.
Comparisons were made between performing a kind act for someone else and doing something considered ‘fun’, such as playing golf, taking a bubble bath, or reading a book. Results showed that the ‘afterglow’ of a pleasurable activity paled in comparison to the good feelings associated with performing an act of kindness, such as taking someone a surprise meal or paying the toll for the car behind you. This positive effect was also increased when the acts were spontaneous. Also, one surprise result was that more money or more possessions did not add to one’s perception of happiness; the materialism factor reduced levels of happiness.
So, the best way to increase your own feeling of happiness is to do something to help someone else. Random acts of kindness can be big or small, and don’t have to take much time or money. The best part is, you get two (smiles) for the price of one.
I found this quote in a book several years ago – “Stress will kill you, but first it will make you fat”. The vast majority of people understand the connection between high levels of stress and certain physical conditions such as heart attacks and strokes. However, most of us tend to ignore the ongoing effects of what we consider to be mild or moderate levels of stress that have become part of our everyday lives. Being ‘on guard’ 24/7 is exhausting for you in so many ways. In light of the changes in our economy and the job market over the past few months, people are feeling like they are on overload because of the higher levels of stress in their daily lives.
Stress can disrupt your sleep, increase your appetite for unhealthy foods, negatively impact relationships, and fuel your anger. The stress hormone cortisol has been a popular topic in many articles because it is a major factor in weight gain. This becomes an issue because many of us use food as a stress management tool. Unfortunately, this is not a good tactic and we usually end up feeling more stress because of what or how much we ate.
If you are one of those people who typically turn to comfort foods when you’ve reached your limit with job, bills, loved ones, consider using the good old HALT technique.
Ask yourself: Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? The odds are good that there is something other than food that could be a better means of stress reduction.
• If you are really hungry, go ahead and eat something. But if you are hungry, a crisp apple will do the trick. If it has to be chocolate then you’re probably not hungry.
• Angry? Has someone been pushing your buttons all day? Count to ten, take several deep breathes. Consider what is bothering you and how to address it.
• Lonely? Been working too many extra hours lately? Missing time with your family or friends? Acknowledge that life has to be more than just work and plan something fun!
• Tired? This one’s easy. Remember kindergarten – schedule a break in your day for 20 minutes and take a nap. You’ll be refreshed and better able to handle the rest of the day. Also, try to get to bed at a regular time every night to improve your sleep.
By checking in with yourself, you’ll be more aware of what you are really feeling and less likely to use food for emotional reasons.
“You can’t change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future” – Anonymous
This quote really applies to how most women try to manage their lives. It is not uncommon that we multitask throughout the days, constantly adding to the never-ending To-Do lists, and forget to even take a deep breath. Is there any wonder that we are so tired?
Even though the world seems to applaud this craziness, we know that we are paying a terrible price. This is only further complicated by the constant state of WORRY. “Did I forget anything?”, “Was that good enough?”, “What could happen if I let them go…?” And on and on it goes.
Stress continues to be a major health risk factor for women, especially if you have reach menopause because the heart protection afforded during menstruation comes to an end. What that means is stress takes a bigger toll on our bodies and minds. It is so important for women to learn how to quiet the noise in our heads, so we can relax and rest well to keep up the pace for another day.
One trick is to take it one day at a time. It’s simple but so hard for many of us. We can focus on giving our best when we break tasks down into manageable steps and tackle them one at a time. Worrying about tomorrow is a waste of time, energy, and focus. We need to reign in our vision so that we can adequately do today’s work. Letting go of yesterday (but not its lessons) and anticipating tomorrow with joy will give us strength for today.
Today is March 1st. That means new opportunities start today. I love the beginning of each month. While I try to identify new goals and check progress on current ones, I’m always excited to see what will happen. What helps you stay motivated to work toward your goals? I wrote a little about rewards several weeks ago. I like to pick things as rewards that I would not normally do for myself- like buy fresh flowers or try a fancy new tea.
While I was not as successful as I had hoped with February (so many things out of my control got in the way – see last post), I learned to make adjustments. That meant I tried some different workouts when couldn’t run and got a new french grammer book to prepare for meetings with my student. Even though life seems to throw more than a few curveballs, we can’t just give up. Here’s a great quote : “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you don’t stop” (by Confucius). That will be my motto for the rest of the year. Just …don’t…stop.
Another motivating point for me is having a partner to share frustrations and successes with. I have a friend at the gym with whom I confess good and bad days. I value her support because she is honest and bright. She takes her diet and exercise routine seriously
and stays up to date on new information. I recommend finding such a partner to help you in whatever you are planning, whether it is around exercise, career changes, or school. Be blessed!
Welcome to my first post of the new year! Everyone is thinkng about making changes and planning their new years goals, I’ve decided to share my goals with you. I’ve written about how to make SMART goals and I’m sure that you understand the how and why by now.
I love making lists because I get a thrill everytime I can check something off as DONE. Checking out some other blogs I have seen that many others share my passion for lists because they can be motivating and rewarding at the same time.
So, here is part of my plan for 2011: to complete a full marathon with improved time, start a small container garden for herbs and veggies, really improve my French skills. I’m breaking these down into smaller monthly goals that will help me succeed:
January 2011:
Exercise – to run 10 miles/wk, strength train 2x/wk, Yoga 2x/wk
Personal – Read 2 books, practice French for 2 hrs/wk, memorize one Bible verse/wk
Professional – Post on blog weekly, complete vision board, plan & advertise one workshop.
There, you have my plans. Let me know what you are doing to get your year started.
If you are a breathing female of any age who reads, you most likely know what I’m referring to – the two hunks in the “Twilight” love triangle. While I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Stepanie Meyer novels, the polarization between the two camps of ‘Twi-hards’ is amusing. Whether I’m talking with an old friend or a new acquaintance, our choice of ‘team’ seem to come up in conversation. Why is it such a phenomenon? I believe that the books have been great for encouraging mothers and daughters to share reading interests and movies. However, if you have been to the theatre to view any of the “Twilight” movies, you may be surprised that the audience is made up of a lot of middle aged women like me. What are we doing there?
I believe that the great story line provides a wonderful escape from the cares and concerns of everyday life. Women seem more apt to use fantasy to provide a break from daily routine. Some watch the soaps, some plan dream vacations to exotic locals, and others dive into novels that take us away. The odds are that we would prefer that our own daughters not fall in love with a vampire or a werewolf.
But, that is not the draw. The idea of pure, devoted love is what commands our attention. Reading about Bella’s heady rush brought by youthful love made me smile more than once, reminding me of my college days when I met my husband.
Having an escape plan can get us through the tough days. So, don’t feel guilty for stopping by that matinee. You’ll be more productive later.
