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Today I decided to run a few errands at lunch. One involved exchanging some earrings I bought at Lane Bryant. The staff was very helpful and pleasant overall, but…I was more that a little surprised by their appearance. The two women that I had contact with looked, how to say this nicely…well, sloppy.
Now, I know that we all have bad days and may not care about how we look. When those days come, I hope that we have learned some smart coverup tactics and can return to the confines of our homes soon. But if you are working with the public and presenting yourself as an example for the fashions you are selling,the rules are different.
One salesperson’s nails were painted a bad shade of blue and chipped on top of it. Her pants were too long and I was worried she might trip over them. No makeup (I know, could be a personal choice) and unkempt hair completed the ensemble. She was pleasant but it made me wonder if she was having a bad day or just oblivious to how she presented herself.
Like I said, I know that we all have had days where getting dressed just seems like torture. And, this may be a more often predicament for plus-size women. However, we do’t have to ‘give up’ and not take any pride in our appearance. After all, we can look good regardless of the size on the tag. I say, check your lipstick, smile, and be your best self!
“And we will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can’t be in good communication with the enemy.” Harriet Lerner
I ran across this quote this week and it just rang out to me. It is so true that we cannot love ourselves, treat ourselves with care and respect when we regard our bodies as the ‘enemy’. As plus-size women, we are not strangers to the looks, stares, and often comments by others regarding our size, what we are eating and how we are dressed. It is a hard enough to get through the days when you feel constantly judged by everyone around you. It is only more difficult when the critique is coming from within. I am not saying that we should not evaluate ourselves and our behaviors, but to do so with kindness and some integrity. Would anyone else really want to listen (and respond) to most of the things that we say to ourselves? Probably not. Jessica Weiner calls this speaking the ‘language of fat’ which we need to give up. I have to agree. Putting oneself down constantly serves no positive purpose. We are people, first and foremost, part of God’s creation. It’s time that we treated ourselves in the manner most appropriate – with love and respect. I firmly believe that we teach others how to treat us. It’s time that we showed them that we deserve more, but we have to start with our own self-talk.
Today I spent some time looking at websites and blogs dedicated to plus-size women. I was pleased to see that many women (and the men that love them) asked questions about fitness wear. This is an issue that I constantly whine about (according to my dear husband). It can be very difficult to find tops and bottoms that fit well, wear well, and look good. As a runner, most of my sports budget goes to my shoes and if you need a referral I would suggest you check out Fleet Feet stores – they are great. I am tall and I have big feet so I wear men’s shoe for running. However, I do try to find workout wear for women. For years, I was resigned to buying my technical (for wicking) tops and pants (for more length) in the men’s area. Just in the past two years have I been able to gradually exchange lots of my running clothes – thanks to Target stores. They usually carry women’s sizes up to XXL and now some pants come in tall. It makes me feel great to be able to pull on a yellow or pink top instead of just black or grey. Don’t let the small sizes in most stores make you shy away from getting healthy exercise. It may take some extra time, and trial and error (with online shopping) but stick with it. After all, we are still girls and love to celebrate our femininity.
As a plus-size woman, I understand how difficult some common things can be for us. For example, buying clothes. Ordering things online can be quite challenging because you may have to return items because of fit problems. It would be so nice if all clothes were consistent in size. I don’t understand why that’s done for men’s clothing but not women’s.
Another complication is our own pride. I know I have been guilty of this way too many times over the years. Buying something a little small , with the plan to lose enough weight to fit into it in the near future. Have you ever done this? I have given away so many clothes over the years because it was clear I was never going to fit into that certain size.
As hard as it can be, I’ve had to acknowledge that I ‘m most likely to remain plus-size even if I lose 40 pounds. It was painful to think that my dream dress size (12-14) would still count as plus-size. But, that does not mean that I have to practice an unhealthy lifestyle. Making intelligent food choices and exercising on a regular basis will do much for one’s overall health. Even more important is making the choice to lover yourself regardless of the tag in your dress. What are you dealing with out there?
