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Of course you’ve heard about the new movie starring Julia Roberts. I decided to wait until I had finished the book before I saw the film. The book of course has more substance – you just can’t put everything into 2 hours and 15 minutes. I loved the way she described her feelings, good and bad. I found it easy to relate to her even though I have not had the same experiences. Elizabeth Gilbert’s year-long trek to find God and herself took her around the world. For the rest of us, however, that opportunity may never come.
But, there are some simple steps that anyone can take to help them find a sense of peace and happiness. As a woman and a psychologist, I am quite familiar with the way that women base their self-worth on their looks and/weight. This propensity has caused us to become obsessed with diets in this country. You would think that with all the diet plans out there, we’d all be thin by now. But, no, the rates for overweight and obese people continue to rise.
My suggestion is that we focus on what we are really hungry for – good, clean, healthy food. This is not a shout out to pig out. If we feed our bodies properly, I’m sure we would be surprised at how good we would look and feel. Give up the fake, chemical-based substances we have accepted as the common American diet. Let’s eat like we are in Italy or France: fresh produce, small amounts of dark chocolate, meat without growth hormones.
Prayer is our communication with God. It’s really that simple. I’ve had many clients over the years who feel that they are missing this connection. They are usually surprised how simple it can be to develop that relationship. Some find it in church, others in nature. God is there, if we look.
I believe the love part comes easily after you have the first two steps. I am not talking about romantic love, but that could come afterwards. You have to learn to love yourself. That is so foreign to some women because they are focused on trying to twist themselves into what someone else wants instead of being who they are. By taking care of yourself, valuing who you are, and knowing that God loves you (despite knowing all about you), will help you to find peace in this crazy life. Love isn’t that hard but it does take effort. Often, practicing small, random acts of kindness towards others can bring love and happiness into your life. Those are my tips for eating, praying, and loving your way to a happier life.
If you are a breathing female of any age who reads, you most likely know what I’m referring to – the two hunks in the “Twilight” love triangle. While I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Stepanie Meyer novels, the polarization between the two camps of ‘Twi-hards’ is amusing. Whether I’m talking with an old friend or a new acquaintance, our choice of ‘team’ seem to come up in conversation. Why is it such a phenomenon? I believe that the books have been great for encouraging mothers and daughters to share reading interests and movies. However, if you have been to the theatre to view any of the “Twilight” movies, you may be surprised that the audience is made up of a lot of middle aged women like me. What are we doing there?
I believe that the great story line provides a wonderful escape from the cares and concerns of everyday life. Women seem more apt to use fantasy to provide a break from daily routine. Some watch the soaps, some plan dream vacations to exotic locals, and others dive into novels that take us away. The odds are that we would prefer that our own daughters not fall in love with a vampire or a werewolf.
But, that is not the draw. The idea of pure, devoted love is what commands our attention. Reading about Bella’s heady rush brought by youthful love made me smile more than once, reminding me of my college days when I met my husband.
Having an escape plan can get us through the tough days. So, don’t feel guilty for stopping by that matinee. You’ll be more productive later.
“And we will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can’t be in good communication with the enemy.” Harriet Lerner
I ran across this quote this week and it just rang out to me. It is so true that we cannot love ourselves, treat ourselves with care and respect when we regard our bodies as the ‘enemy’. As plus-size women, we are not strangers to the looks, stares, and often comments by others regarding our size, what we are eating and how we are dressed. It is a hard enough to get through the days when you feel constantly judged by everyone around you. It is only more difficult when the critique is coming from within. I am not saying that we should not evaluate ourselves and our behaviors, but to do so with kindness and some integrity. Would anyone else really want to listen (and respond) to most of the things that we say to ourselves? Probably not. Jessica Weiner calls this speaking the ‘language of fat’ which we need to give up. I have to agree. Putting oneself down constantly serves no positive purpose. We are people, first and foremost, part of God’s creation. It’s time that we treated ourselves in the manner most appropriate – with love and respect. I firmly believe that we teach others how to treat us. It’s time that we showed them that we deserve more, but we have to start with our own self-talk.
We are in the third week of the new year. I have to say that despite my exercise routine and changes in eating, I have not lost any weight. This bothers me because one of my goals this year is to cut down my 1/2 marathon time by 30 minutes. That will only happen by losing at least 20 pounds. This is always a frustrating issue for me. I know that many of you deal with extra pounds. While I accept being a plus-sized woman, I do want to increase my overall health and I just weigh too much!
Now I admit that I love sweets but I have been cutting way back, having a few bites of dark chocolate for dessert with some fruit. Changing how you regard yourself while making healthier choices is very important. The key is to focus on making changes out of love for you rather than punishing yourself for being overweight.
What kinds of things do you say to yourself when you’re having a bad day? Do you blame yourself and the rest of the world? Do you dive into a bag of chips, not coming up for air until your fingers are covered in salt and grease? That’s when you need to stop, take a few deep breaths and really think about what you need. Maybe a relaxing bath, time to read without guilt, or a nice bowl of soup. Most of all, be kind to yourself. We all respond better to love than nagging!
