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“A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.”
-Anonymous
Are you happy yet?
What makes you happy? How happy are you? Despite all of the things we have at our disposal these days, too many of us feel that happiness remains just out of our reach. I have found in my psychotherapy practice that many people describe themselves as ‘not happy’. They may have experienced some incident in their early years which has caused low self-esteem or simply feel disappointed that their life is full but not satisfying.
There has been a lot of research about the science of happiness over the past several years. There are books out there that can help you define happiness, how to measure it, and how to increase it. What makes a person happy? There is no one answer. For each one of us, the answer will vary depending on the day, time and place. We may think that a favorite treat will make us happy (or at least less unhappy) such as Godiva dark chocolate or a new pair of shoes. While the specific item may put a smile on our lips at the moment, that does not equal ‘happiness’.
Dr. Martin Seligman, a noted psychologist, has spent many years conducting research on happiness. His results indicate that happiness is an important component in our lives, especially with regard to our general health and possibly our lifespan. As you may expect, negative emotions like anger and hostility produce high levels of stress-related chemicals which are hard on our bodies. Feelings of happiness produce the opposite which is very good for us. His research shows us that we can build more happiness into our lives. However, it is not about simply getting more of what we think we want that makes a difference.
Comparisons were made between performing a kind act for someone else and doing something considered ‘fun’, such as playing golf, taking a bubble bath, or reading a book. Results showed that the ‘afterglow’ of a pleasurable activity paled in comparison to the good feelings associated with performing an act of kindness, such as taking someone a surprise meal or paying the toll for the car behind you. This positive effect was also increased when the acts were spontaneous. Also, one surprise result was that more money or more possessions did not add to one’s perception of happiness; the materialism factor reduced levels of happiness.
So, the best way to increase your own feeling of happiness is to do something to help someone else. Random acts of kindness can be big or small, and don’t have to take much time or money. The best part is, you get two (smiles) for the price of one.
Welcome to my first post of the new year! Everyone is thinkng about making changes and planning their new years goals, I’ve decided to share my goals with you. I’ve written about how to make SMART goals and I’m sure that you understand the how and why by now.
I love making lists because I get a thrill everytime I can check something off as DONE. Checking out some other blogs I have seen that many others share my passion for lists because they can be motivating and rewarding at the same time.
So, here is part of my plan for 2011: to complete a full marathon with improved time, start a small container garden for herbs and veggies, really improve my French skills. I’m breaking these down into smaller monthly goals that will help me succeed:
January 2011:
Exercise – to run 10 miles/wk, strength train 2x/wk, Yoga 2x/wk
Personal – Read 2 books, practice French for 2 hrs/wk, memorize one Bible verse/wk
Professional – Post on blog weekly, complete vision board, plan & advertise one workshop.
There, you have my plans. Let me know what you are doing to get your year started.
During my commute this week, I noticed a new sign at a local church. The message was simple but really made me stop and think. “Get Rich Quick – Count Your Blessings!” For most of us, we rush through our days trying to complete our to-do lists, consumed with what we need or don’t have. This mindset is highlighted by our national obsession with celebrity lifestyles and reality shows. We are constantly reminded of what we don’t have in our lives.
It’s really too bad that envy is such a common feeling. Who says that I have to set my holiday table like the Kardashians? We assume that our lives are not as good, glamorous or happy as someone else. We shortchange what we do have by thinking this way.
I have been guilty of this too; it’s like a dis-ease is spreading – what we have is just not good enough and that means that WE are not good enough. Instead, lets’s focus on the positive. I have been trying to keep a list of things I notice everyday that bless my life. Sure, once I wrote that I was still breathing (had a bad cold), but I have been able to identify many more blessings that touch me day by day.
So, if you are feeling like the glass is half-empty rather than half-full, look more closely at what’s already in the glass. You may find that the glass is actually overflowing.
Of course you’ve heard about the new movie starring Julia Roberts. I decided to wait until I had finished the book before I saw the film. The book of course has more substance – you just can’t put everything into 2 hours and 15 minutes. I loved the way she described her feelings, good and bad. I found it easy to relate to her even though I have not had the same experiences. Elizabeth Gilbert’s year-long trek to find God and herself took her around the world. For the rest of us, however, that opportunity may never come.
But, there are some simple steps that anyone can take to help them find a sense of peace and happiness. As a woman and a psychologist, I am quite familiar with the way that women base their self-worth on their looks and/weight. This propensity has caused us to become obsessed with diets in this country. You would think that with all the diet plans out there, we’d all be thin by now. But, no, the rates for overweight and obese people continue to rise.
My suggestion is that we focus on what we are really hungry for – good, clean, healthy food. This is not a shout out to pig out. If we feed our bodies properly, I’m sure we would be surprised at how good we would look and feel. Give up the fake, chemical-based substances we have accepted as the common American diet. Let’s eat like we are in Italy or France: fresh produce, small amounts of dark chocolate, meat without growth hormones.
Prayer is our communication with God. It’s really that simple. I’ve had many clients over the years who feel that they are missing this connection. They are usually surprised how simple it can be to develop that relationship. Some find it in church, others in nature. God is there, if we look.
I believe the love part comes easily after you have the first two steps. I am not talking about romantic love, but that could come afterwards. You have to learn to love yourself. That is so foreign to some women because they are focused on trying to twist themselves into what someone else wants instead of being who they are. By taking care of yourself, valuing who you are, and knowing that God loves you (despite knowing all about you), will help you to find peace in this crazy life. Love isn’t that hard but it does take effort. Often, practicing small, random acts of kindness towards others can bring love and happiness into your life. Those are my tips for eating, praying, and loving your way to a happier life.
Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda
The book is a quick read but you will want to mark some pages to return to as her story progresses. For example, she was able to cut off her relationship with regular soda pop (several drinks a day) after realizing that it was like ‘liquid candy’. This may be true for many people – I know my husband drinks too much soda and when I used that description, he seemed to give it some thought. Many people who have no problem avoiding the candy dish or say they can skip desserts are consuming way more calories in those 2 liter bottles.
This is not a diet book – it is about one person’s experience with losing weight the old-fashioned way, through exercise and educated eating. Her goal was to save her own life, not just to be skinny. Health should always be the reason we make changes. It reminds you that while weight loss is not easy, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Check out her website.
Good day! I am so happy that the sun is actually shining today and that thetemp will finally reach above the freezing mark! Well, actually my happiness should not depend on the weather and it does not. The weather is something that can add to my positive outlook. Happiness is different. We all have things that we believe ‘make’ us happy. It varies from person to person. However, when you really look at the science of happiness (after all, I am a psychologist) you see that external events or stituations count very little.
Happiness is a state of being that is originated by internal factors – how we think, perceive, and respond. For example, having an internal feeling of joy or peace will help you to maintain a positive outlook even when faced with some challenging situations. Many people describe this sense of joy/ peace from a religious or spiritual basis. Others feel secure in their knowledge of their abilities and this helps with their stress levels. Whatever it is that keeps you afloat, especiall ehn times are tough, see if you can put it into words. This could be the start of a Gratitude List to keep you focused on the positives in your life. I’d love to hear what’s on your list!
